These last few weeks from my last posting have been, lets say, the most depressing and draining weeks of my life thus far. This even beats the high school years out the window. Currently I'm back home in west Texas dealing with a lot of unresolved issues. Most of which I now realize will never be solved, and I should just learn to keep quiet and move on. I had high hopes for this trip being short, sweet and simple. Get in, get out, and get back to my life. Sadly, sometimes, what should be, and what happens, aren't always the same.
Sad to say, NYC will be nothing more than a lingering memory, as due to lack of funds, and a lot of complicated issues that frankly I can't involved in such a public forum, I'll be staying at home for an extended period of time, that no matter how I look at it, is already FAR too long.
It's hard admitting that something that was so monumental to me, is not out of my grasp. Just when you finally feel at home, when you feel that life is finally starting to let up, the worst happens.
I'm doing my best to be less whiney, since a dear friend told me, my last posting was by far my best. I won't lie, the clarity and fortitude behind that writing is something that I aspire to do all the time. Sadly this blog isn't just about getting my voice out. This medium has been my form of therapy for a while now. Considering I don't have healthcare to afford sessions or medication. So naturally I have to do something in order to alleviate my stress, anxiety, and overall annoyance with my current situation.
NYC is not out of my view however, be sure of that. Regardless of what is happening now. The only place I'm moving to after this is back to NYC where I belong. Two days ago, i went for a drive with my parents, and some young punk in a mustang cut us off. I leaned my head out the window and started swearing and calling him all sorts of obscenities. Most of which my mother had never heard of. Felt good to bring a bit of East Coast to this South-western desert. This has never been home to me sadly. Sometimes it's hard to look at your parents and let them know that there are times, when it's easier to say you love being here. Truth is? I don't. But I'm strong enough, I hope, to make it through.